You and your God

By Ngor Khot Garang

In this life, it will only take you and yourself to make it out through the other gate. This life, and I am sorry is very unkind and millions of people outside there with your relatives and some of your friends included are also very unkind and relying on anyone for anything, is going to be a mass grave suicide ever committed in human history. The world over is a very bad place and each and every person is fighting his or her battle to bother with yoursand we need to be very careful when we make decisions when we feel like our loved ones have forgotten us.

People are going to be there and that is very goodin your life but the saddest part of it is that they are not going to do you any good if not only to help bury you when you are dead. If your parents or relatives have been supporting you for the last 12 years so that they see you through education, you have to be happy because you are lucky and this time, things are not easy and you have to take your own stand before it is too. There are many people outside side there who made it by themselves without any help from anyone. They got pushed down and there were difficult times when all they could do was just to give up but they managed to push through and achieved some of their wildest dreams without any help from anyone.

What about you as a human, what is your problem and who has the solution? I think you should not look beyond yourself because you have the solution in front of you. There is nobody who will be sent from Heaven to tick your box. You have to go through the process. Something has to make you cry because if you don’t go through the processes that involve pain and suffering, then you are not human enough.

Sometimes you may go through the worse moments of your life where you will only think that somebody could just come to your aid especially those that are closest to you if there is a way they can help you but this is going to be another shot in the leg should you do that. The people with exception of few would only wish you were dead. Nobody would mind about what you are going through except God. People will only organize and fund both your burial ceremony and your funeral and once it is done, you are forgotten forever and even worse by people you loved with all your heart.

This is not a new phenomenon. The world has always been like this and it is not going to change for any better. A lot of wonderful things keep on happening everyday. When you go to the cemetery right now, you will finddecorated coffins with people who died of either hunger or simple disease that could have been easily treated. And in every family there is always a conflict of interest, a very tense competition, brother against another brother and wish-others-bad business is the norm.  In the government, this is something different. The soldiers and their families with SSP 1200 that come after every three, five or even six months, where do they eat and their children’s school fees? Who cares is the only answer I got. But what about the big men most especially the self-proclaimed tycoons, where do they get those expensive cars they drive on poor roads when millions of people are living in extreme poverty? This is none of my business but who cares anyway?

For every human being, it is very illogical to complain about anything because nobody will ever care about us. We have seen over the years how Africans leaders have looted the continent, strangled the economy, killed thousands and left millions with nothing to eat. The best thing we can do as we wait for our own death is to continue with our daily tussle to survive. There is completely nothing in Africa that really makes sense because nothing will ever change. It keeps getting worse and when you are among the struggling majority, this is another problem. Life laughs at you every morning and when you try to understand what wrong you have done to deserve that, life knocks you down and leaves you with bruises and tears to weep.

 It is a painful life that needs all of us to be strong and as a preacher of hope, there are times when I disagree with myself that there is completely nothing like hope and let me narrate it to you. As a young man, I have my worries and my heart is always beating. The future is uncertain and the way out is dark but since then, I have found happiness in writing messages of healing, hope, peace, good governance and restoration and for four years now, I have been consistent with my art but what have I made with my life? Within these four years I should have done something better with my life but the possibility of this in a country where few are very important than others was and is very anemic.

I just bleed with ink and fear keeps on mounting every single minute.  When I walk down the street, I just feel like shedding tears and most times I just hold my tears for the reasons that some people may take me as a mad person but it is true what most of South Sudanese are going is beyond human coping mechanism.

The scorching sun of Juba rests on most of the people who are trying all they can to survive but it just keeps on biting like never before. You will find under Juba sun an old mum with a hand outstretched and face down with a plea for compassion. Another old mum sits with her tomatoes that take days until they are rotten and everyone walking with a lot of problems in mind looking for anything to do and when you gaze your attention to the other side of the road, it is an expensive car. And sometimes you could be compel to ask, is this the South Sudan that our liberators fought for and when you get no answer in return, doing what pleases you would be the right thing.

We all know that the country is flat on its belly but we have to continue with our daily struggle and put God first before everything because he sees and there will come a time when he will interfere and put a smile on our faces. We should never give up because when you do so because the government has failed to do what you want, it will be you alone and the government will continue to do what pleases them and cares not about you. If we want to get ahead, we need to assume that there is no government and we are just humans heading to unknown lands. The government has been there for years and nothing has ever shown us that it exists, so we need to mind our business and do always what is right under the sun.

Thanks for reading Finding Hope…. If you have been following this column, just know that we are in this struggle together for a better and peaceful South Sudan.

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