Why I always write

By Ngor Khot Garang

To some people am just a soundless drum and for others am just a broken young man who is trying to figure out the purpose of his life. Many I think put me in the shoe of a madman because I always make noise. But in reality, I found writing as a skin in the game. I can be hanged by a single sentence or someone may dig out what I wrote years back and use it against me today. Somebody who don’t read my writings but always sees my name in the paper can just drag me and slam my head against the wall if he gets that chance and my writing stops there when he wins.

But that won’t stop me from writing when I live. I can even write more. When I write, I feel alright, connected and intertwined at the same time. I am poor and I came from a very poor parentage but my pen does not know my background. I write not because I just want to write, I write to enlighten and to propagate hope where there is only despair. When I am with my pen, I become somebody that I’m truly not, I become somebody who always fight his problems head on and that is why I always write.

It may take someone years or more to fully understand why a high school graduate would risk his life in a country where the law does not allow freedom of expression but I found myself in the other side of the game. I got caught between pen and paper and the revolution is hard but never ending. To sit down and write is okay but who will read your writings and what would be the lesson learnt or what will that person think? Are you adding value to people’s lives with your writing or are you breaking them apart? That is where problem and fear creeps in, but writing as an art is never risking one’s life, it is indeed a transition from one moment of sadness to another, sometimes the better one. It is a relief to put it right. In the moments of pain, rejection, and hopelessness, I find consolation in the words I write.

In my heart, I never feel at ease but when I am with my pen, I feel renewed and my soul rejuvenated. When I see people struggling on a daily basis to survive, I know that we are connected in needs and desires and we all want to make life easier for ourselves. When I see someone crying, I feel a sharp knife cutting through my heart because that person must be going through a lot as I sometimes will and that is why I always write. I write to motivate. I write to inspire. I write to encourage and when I don’t write, I will be the one to feel much pain and I am just weak to do that.

Sometimes and I hope you understand. Life hurts and people are not the same. Life has put a gap between us. Some people are poor, others are lucky, and many are in the hospital beds. As a burgeoning writer, I realize that some of these people need these words and I took it as my role to write. I just think if I use my pen well, it can enter shops, offices, hospitals and get people back to their feet.

Writing to me is getting to know what others are going through and you make up your mind to become the reason why they should believe that there is hope. When I become a writer and before creating finding hope column, I didn’t want to write or comment on societal issues. I want to make meaning in my writings because at the end of the day, someone may find my writing and discover his or her own talents. I find writing as a way of contributing to people’s lives. When I write, I feel like am opening doors or even closing them.

I just realize and that is I will never stop writing that God has given us all that we ever needed to live a better life but the problems of life close our eyes and ears to this truth. When life is very hard and the road we are trudging seems thorny, we conclude that things will never change for the better but that is not true.

What we face on the daily basis is actually preparing us for something better than what we are going through and that is why I value those lonely moments I spend with my pen, because I know as I sit down to write, I am emptying myself to a young person like me who has lost hope in life and he is trying to get by. When I write, I know I am speaking to a single mum who struggle single-handedly to put food on the table for her children and many people who are trying to figure out their purpose in life.

Sometimes I don’t know who is following my column, “Finding Hope” but I write specifically to young people. Many young people wants it quick in life, they want everything, all the major achievements and success to happen in their twenties and when thing don’t go as plans as they always will, they begin to lose the drive to move on. I write to encourage and for these young people to understand that life is series of events that needs absolute patience and hope if we need to succeed in life.   

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