I had no choice but to cry [Part 1]

By Ngor Khot Garang

Sometimes back, I had a dream that was terrible and I really don’t know how to put it. It was so scary that I nearly buried myself when I woke up. This nightmare started when I found it hard to sleep. I wanted to rest and I was already on my knees begging for undisturbed 4 hours of rest but God couldn’t help. I was thinking and my mind was full with everything. Was it true that this is the South Sudan our fallen heroes fought for? It couldn’t be.

But if it is the one, why are we still suffering amidst plenty and what is the way out of this dungeon? What about my education and my future, is there light at the end of a very long dark tunnel?

What about those who lose their precious lives every single second, are they the lucky ones or should we wait for more answers? But still I couldn’t understand and in no time, I found myself in a deep sleep. In my abrupt slumber, I felt like something was taking me and I was afraid. I thought this could be the end of my life but it turned out to be true after waking up the previous day that God wanted to show me something and this to me, was a shocking experience.

I was led to a new world. In this under world, everyone was crying and there was fire everywhere and it is not this simple fire, it is the one that burns to human soul. The kind of people I met there were not the same. Some were fat, rich and powerful and I was told they were the happiest people there but million others were suffering and burning in flames of extreme poverty.

I had to cry however, something told me that I was already in hell and questions started racing in my mind, if I was in hell why is that there are people who are happy while others are sad and in tears. Hell is a no good place for anybody. Perhaps,something must be wrong and I had to find out the truth. I started moving in a smoky environment. The place was smelling blood and bones were scattered in close proximity. On my way I came across some big men with bulging stomachs. These people were driving expensive cars on poor roads and they were laughing at the poor ones. One bald headed man disembarked from his V.8 and gave a hawker a terrible beating for no reason and the only thing I could do was to cry.  

I also came to realize that most of these people have blood in their hands but they were the most successful ones and I was totally confused. This could be Hell and Heaven combined so I had to look for our fallen heroes and heroines.They might be among these people. I wanted to tell them that the country they died for is no longer what it should be and this was an opportunity to talk with the fallen heroes.

I want to let him know that his people are suffering and that he has completely lost value even the paper money printed with his name cannot put food on the table for the hungry. I want to tell him that we now have unknown gunmen and they are doing their work like they have been paid to do so. The soldiers on the hand are still being underpaid and the country is still bleeding.

I wanted to cry to him so that he does something and thank God there was this guy I met on the way. He was one of the big people with pot belly but he still had his heart under his chest. He was kind but because he walks with hyenas, his darker part was the only apparent thing you could see.

He asked me if I were in need of some help which I quickly gave a big yes. “Let me hope it is not about money because I just sent my kids to the United States” he murmured.” Oh no sir, I just want to see our hero and it would be a great help if you take me to him, please”. I begged.

Upon hearing this, his voice changed to a different one and I thought he was going to shot me dead because I had noticed something like a hand gun holsteredin the lower part of his midriff. “Get out of here little rat before I step on you”. He was burning with rage. I just wanted to cry but he was now advancing towards me and started wielding his gun.

He held me by the ear. “Now listen small animal, this thing you are seeing (gun) is for wiping off from the face of the earth the stubborn ones”. He said this word at the top of his voice and left without looking back.  I was now aware that anyone looking for our hero was a criminal and I began to sense that I was not in a good place.

So, I decided to go back to the village where the rainy fire never stopped butluckily, I came across a beggar and when I turned around to see where I was positioned; my eyes met those of the poor beggars with outstretched hands. They were hundreds in number. This is what they have been doing for years and it is a kind of beggary life that is transferred from one generation to another.

This beggar led me to where they stay. It was not a place for the humans. Many were lying half dead and their children were now adults before their tenth birthday. I was also taken somewhere. At this place, there were thousands walking on a busy street each about different pursuits. You see those young people with bags, they are looking for scholarships to change their current situation but the opportunities are only reserved for the alpha families.

She took me to the market; this place was dominated by different colors. Red, brown and dark colored, mention them. The red colored people were the ones doing big businesses and it was great for them. Bigger companies and small ones were theirs. Before I could ask the beggar what was going on, someone came running and crying. He was black. He was fired for having voiced his labor rights.

This young man has been working for the light skinned boss for years but these years have been series of unfair treatments and physical abuses. He was also underpaid on top of that.

It was an amazing moment, another young man with a face that could tell somebody that he was frustrated came to a tea place where were seated. He just completed his masters few years ago in agricultural economics and it has been years since he started dropping application letters with a plea for a good job but everything has been failing because he had nobody to connect him.

This was a one of the strangest places I have ever visited in my life and I was now sad. I wanted to leave this area as soon as possible but I had a question and I was so sure that this beggar would give me a good answer. “Where is our fallen hero? I’m told he is here”. I asked.

“He is not here my son and I am very sorry. He might be in heaven. You see this place, is for the struggling ones but it would have been a better place for everyone because it was made to be like this if we had chosen the right path”. She said with tears in her eyes.

It was now revealed to me that this was neither hell nor heaven. It was earth but why is it so painful like this when we have all that we need to lead a normal life? Why wars and squandering of public funds?  Why is it that there are people who are struggling to get by while others enjoying at the expense of the poor. I asked these questions standing on the ground filled with bones, vultures and blood and I screamed then I eventually woke up from the sleep. This was a terrible dream and I am still thinking about it.

To be continued….Thanks for reading Finding Hope.

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