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A letter to future generations [26]

By Ngor Khot Garang

Who watches the watchmen? Dear little ones, you may not understand but it is a long story. There is no ink, I use blood to pen it down. Of course, in the fight, both parties go home and count their losses. You may not know how much is taken in times of crisis but you have to be bright enough to know that a lot did go out to individuals.

You take out one of the big men and let him have a glass of champagne, he will tell you that there is no better time for money, bags of dollars, to be released than in times of crisis, when people, mostly the poor, are counting their losses that is when a lot of money is pocketed by the big fish.

Why should I lie, in the pond, only the strong survive. It is not a rule of nature because the pond is big enough to accommodate all but there are those who are bigger than the pond. They don’t care. Don’t lie, trust broken cannot be repaired. Even in marriage, if you don’t trust each other, that relationship will not last a year.

The biggest problem of our day is that we don’t trust each other. The government is a different body and the people are entirely on their own. When you fight your life battles as a young person, you give all your best because you are so sure that it is you alone in the fight. It humbles me that people can still defy invincible odds even without the government. If you are not careful, you can crash in this country. You think people just carry guns for no reason? It is because they know that they are on their own.

Dear little children, if you make it here, I would encourage you to be an observant of life. You will see wonders of the world. You will realize that people don’t mean what they say. You will come to a point where you will understand life through the patterns. Problems are the same whether you are rich or poor. It all comes down to a desire to be better than the person next door.

Don’t believe in true lies. They are dangerous because they are sweet, sometimes back, somebody promised to deliver heaven in his manifestos but he ended up delivering hell. That was magic, but it seems like somebody stole his magic wand.

Then this pastor, you don’t know why they are getting richer while you are going down “The lord is great. Young woman, you have been crying out to God. You have waited for too long. Men come into your life and go the same way they came. This year, the lord has told me that he has some good news for you. Your wedding date has been approved from above. Get up and bring your miracle offering. You will even give birth to twins”.

And the drama never stops, two years later the story changes. In life, you have to question some patterns.  You can pray and receive, most times it requires patience. Don’t let somebody touch your head with their hands, some people are not themselves. And those hands know exactly all the body parts they have touched.

There is no hell, I don’t believe in it. Don’t think the world is a better place. I am a young man, I don’t have an idea if I have been dead before I was born. Some things are hard to decipher. The ants are hardworking but they don’t reap the harvest.

Sometimes you can reap, sometimes you just  arrive and you are gone before the harvest. I am not a lazy person. I have tried to befriend God, I can’t blame him much, maybe he is too busy. I have time to try him, perhaps in the next ten years, he will answer my calls.

No wonder, these ten years brings you closer to your grave. Last time God asked me to try hope, that it never fails. This hope is clothed with bright garments and future V’8s. Perhaps this country is a fragile place, that without hope, many cannot make it to the next day.

I am a youth, I shed that part of me daily. I am getting old in my early twenties. Don’t judge me, I am not a generational failure. Each day I wake up and walk miles, to find my place, where I want to rest a little bit. This is never easy. I was told that school will take me there, that person failed to stand behind me when I needed support.

I tried, I read and jam-packed a white man’s language and the chase is getting harder. Now the story is changing, that for you to get there, you need somebody. He will take you faster than your papers.  

I don’t blame others for my problems. Only I can resolve them.  I will show you my hands. They are dead. I mean from working hard. I work my tail off and not even a little victory to celebrate. My sweat sometime turns bloody and I will go through days or months with nothing but thin hope.

This hope doesn’t work, you gobble it down in a mouthful and it comes down again, the struggle never pays. You don’t meet someone and tell him or her to work hard because that would be an insult. In this place, everything has a price.  You have to be sure that when you are cry, you are not only losing tears. You are shedding blood too.

Everything here is a struggle even the church leaders themselves would give you false prophecies. They will ask you to keep sowing for the Kingdom of God. Sometimes even when you have nothing to give. I like most of our people for their generosity. There was this only power we have as a people “Trust”. Our people even the poorest of all gave their trust to the government but our government chose to drag it against shattered glasses day by day.

I always encourage people not to be heartbroken when they get stabbed in the back by the people they trust because that is possible. You cannot fake war but you can fake peace. Always look at the darker side of things. Not all who claim to be your leaders are there to lead you home. Most of them are there to lead you to your grave.

Don’t think you have friends. This is why I use this word wisely. People are in our life for two reasons. To climb through you and drag the ladder down. Others are only there to keep you down but there are people who are always going to be there come rain or sunshine.

I don’t like to pretend but you pretend one day to be sick in and see those who will visit and call you. What if you are accused of murder or stealing, will your friends stand with you and prove your innocence in the court of law. You have to be careful. I rest my pen here.

Thanks for reading Finding Hope and for being part of a community working towards positive transformation of South Sudan.   

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